GETTING BACK TO LIFE...IN GENERAL....BACK TO MY MUSIC

     I had just returned to Marco island from my 10 year stint in Michigan being a scientist in Molecular Epidemiology.  I remember having this very nice gig 3 nights a week in Naples Florida... and I was also working at a day gig for a plastics company doing statistics on the computer with their efficiency formulas for their manufacturing computer systems...I could not have been happier.

     Then....I had a toothache and went to a dentist that I found...I had asked around and some of the other people at work said they thought he was good...so off I went.

     When I was sitting in his chair he took an x-ray of the area I had a problem with and when he came back in the room, he started feeling my neck and the glands around my throat....Well...!!!...I wondered why he was doing something that people do to you (like your Mother) when you are sick....so I asked....

     That was the beginning of a whole new reality for me....something I had never encountered before in my life....I was ill........All I heard was the word growth....He then walked me over to another office in the same complex we were in...This doctor was an oral-maxillofacial surgeon....I certainly could have gone my whole life without finding out what his job entailed.

     I went in the very next day for surgery.  Apparently this tumor was as aggressive as an a very aggressive cancer.  the doctor proceeded to tell me I had one of three diseases.....I do not remember what they were but at least one of them was a type of cancer and none of them was a good idea.

     The surgeon decided that it was always a better idea to have a local than to be put to sleep for the surgery so I acquiesced.  We began and after about 15 minutes of surgery I made sounds referring to the fact that it was hurting me and he numbed me again.  Again, after around 15 minutes of surgery I made sounds that it was hurting and he numbed me once more.  This went on every 15 minutes or so until he had removed two of my back teeth on the upper left side and scraped out the bone under them.

     Then this surgeon tells me that I cannot cry, whistle, sneeze, or cough for a few days until this heals because he has exposed my sinus cavity, and sends me home.  So let me get this straight.  They tell me I most probably have cancer, but do not cry because it will be very very bad if you do.  How nice.....I am not even allowed to have emotions about what I am going through.....

     Okay....Okay...I got it.....

     Did I forget to mention that on the way out of the office after surgery I have to write a check for how ever many thousand this cost???

     Sooo....knowing that I am going to have another surgery next month because what the surgeon is trying to do is save as many of my teeth as possible, I say to him, "I think we should go for the anesthetic next time.  I cannot take that pain again."

     Now, when I go back for my check up a couple days after the first surgery he says to me. "Amazing....It is healing!"  Now this takes me for surprise because he did not tell me this, but then he says to me "I did not sew it up because cancer tissue does not heal and I was just sure it was cancer"   The he says "Good news...It is benign".  I am thinking "Well of course it is.  I just knew it was benign".

     Then when I go back in for my second surgery the doctor tells me that pathology said it is not cancer.... Great!!!...but they do not know what it is.....hmmmmm.  This time I am thinking "No sh**t Sherlock" but I kept my mouth shut about it.

     Now his wife is a surgical nurse....so here we are doing surgery in his office..and he puts the proper stuff on my finger to check my pulse and the other things attached to me and he is putting the needle into my arm for the anesthesia and he has the gas thing over my nose and I do not like the smell of this gas.....and I am starting to shake and my legs are starting to jump and he asks me if I have anxiety and I say "oh yes"...and he takes the gas off my nose and puts a surgical hat over my nose so that I can breath some of my own CO2 now and stop the anxiety when I hear him puting tape over the needle and I say to him "Oh did I tell you I am allergic to paper tape?"...well no I did not.... So now I hear him taking the gloves off of his hands because he cannot get the tape off with his gloves on and well about that time I fell asleep.....I am no fun to do surgery on because I am allergic to everything.....


     You gotta just laugh at this though....because this poor surgeon is trying to do his job and encounters all this stuff that he has never had to deal with before....not that they are not used to that.....I am certain that every case is very different....but when you come across someone who is allergic to so much medication and medical items.,,,,you just have to feel sorry for this man going through this in the middle of the start of the surgery....I am allergic to 8 different things that can cause real problems in surgeries....I always have this great big red folder unlike the other people getting stuff done.    I can just see them talking about this for years....Like over drinks at the Christmas party...you know?

     Well then, eventually I wake up from this surgery and they have removed two more teeth and scraped out more of the bone again.  I cannot sit up because every time I change position from lying down to sitting up I feel like I am going to throw up.  So I am there in the office chair for hours and finally they put me into a wheel chair and roll me out and the family takes me home and I sit up all night long on the couch and puke black stuff for 11 hours....I had a double bagged grocery bags and a trash can there with me on the couch....it was just so much fun...

     When I went back in for the check up after this surgery the doctor said to me, "We sent this to the Armed Forces Unit in Bethesda Maryland for diagnosis.  I am thinking , "Good now we will get some answers."

After the illness I was singing again

     Well we did try to keep my eye tooth.  Now we had to crown the front teeth (which at this time were perfectly fine) to hold the partial in place....so the eye tooth became loose also and we had to remove it as well.  I told the doctor that I am NEVER going to puke for 11 hours again and we will have to do this with a local.  He agreed and added that now he understood my system to be one with a high metabolism and then everytime he would numb me, my body would metabolise it within the 15 minutes and I was no longer numb and he would just have to keep numbing me every 15 minutes and we would be fine and no pain for me.  He did this and we got along fine during this surgery.

  We did three surgeries, one a month, found out it was benign, found out it was not cancer but they did not know what it was...they sent my tumor(s) to the Armed Forces Unit In Bethesda, Maryland for pathology and it came back as "Histiocytosis X"...oh yeah...you guessed it...the "X" means they do not know anything about it.....

     This is a long, drawn out, very scientific illness so I will spare you the details and just tell you that I recently spoke to a pathologist about this and he informed me, once again, of how unbelievably lucky I am to be alive...!!!!! And I am sooooooo grateful to be alive...!!! They treated me like they had treated the other patients before me....Did I forget to mention how very, very rare this is.....So rare that no one is doing any research on this...And it is mostly children who get this........ And it is mostly fatal....I did however see the only specialist in the world, who happens to be right here in Florida....in Tampa at the Moffitt Cancer Center....of which I am now a proud card carrying member....

     Then, they treated me with radiation ...in massive doses .... (I will tell you this story later).... during which time if I had not spoken to my sister about this and she sent me to find a Reiki Master to help me through the treatments, I never would have made it.

     When I finally found a Reiki Master, she was also an RN and she prayed with me on the phone about my illness and explained to me that "I had to think of this treatment like God cradling my head in His Hands and it was through this treatment that He was saving my life"

     The radiation went up through my brain causing the most extreme case of anxiety the doctors had ever seen....I could not sit down or lie down or stop moving for 3 days until I drove myself to the doctor and said "get rid of this...make this stop...now" .....I lost my math functions and some of my word functions in my lexicon....The final straw was my diagnosis of PTSD.....Great!!!  Just Great....So now they decided to put me on massive doses of neurotransmitters and meds inducing them until I did nothing but sleep in my lazyboy chair for 9 months....One day I simply said ...Whoa!!! And proceeded to wean myself off of the drugs and went back to work.

     Now I became a country song.....I lost my great job because of downsizing at the company...I had lost my gig when I could not play because they were taking out part of my mouth at the oral maxillofacial surgeons office....the man I had been with for over 12 years walked out on me to another woman....and my dog died while they were radiating me....OKAY WHERE WAS THE TRAIN??? 

     Well there was no train in this song and no prison....but when you go through something like this you also have to remember that you pay for this while you are getting this or they do not do the work...So now that I had spent every last dime of my money... I had to go back to work....and I managed to get $300.00 out of my insurance companies (both of them) because the reports said tooth....even though it was the bone they were taking out..the teeth just happened to be connected to the bone.

     So now I was starting my life over....I found a job that I was on my feet 10 hours a day...I would go home at night and cry myself to sleep cause my legs hurt so bad from being in bed for 9 months and now having to stand up all day...I got over that and I got a better paying job which was horribly stressful...I learned lots of stuff though.

     A new man walked into my life and I was learning how to sail.  Thank you God.

     I am just praying that I can learn the right stuff from this experience and not have to go through it again....I am doing my best....Believe me....

     I could not even carry my brief case for awhile but I got back to where I could play and eventually carry my own equipment.  I had to keep practicing my songs until I could remember them over and over until the memories would eventually come to me.  Every day was just a little better as I worked hard to get back into shape....I had to start by exercising one minute at a time but I finally got up to an hour and off I went....Thank you again God

A Hero's Salute - Staff Sgt. John Beale

CLICK ON THE TITLE TO SEE THE VIDEO

A Few Posts from the video postings:(no names)

John, we miss you so much!! You have always been a soldier, through ROTC and Drill Team in school everyone knew you were going to go into the military. You make this world a better place to be for all of us in life and in death. You paid the ultimate sacrifice for us and we will never forget that. We love you, Crystal and the kids. We will never forget you!!

Staff Sargent John Beale is a prime example of whatAmericastands for. Americaserves the world. As our great President Ronald Reagan stated so aptly, we are a beacon on the hill. He was another of our new "greatest generation." I'm so sorry for his family but so proud of the tribute given to him. The lines of people along the way from Falcon Field to McDonough remind me of the tribute to our greatest president, (the Military's President) President Ronald Reagan. Semper Fi from a greatful Metro Atlanta and nation. I'm sure Jesus has already told you "Well done, good and faithful servant."

I want to thank the person who had the presence of mind to record this incredible journey.

God bless this great soldier and all who serve.

This is one of the hardest videos I've ever watched! God Bless this soldiers family and friends! Thank you for your service Staff Sgt John Beale, may your rest in peace and know that you will not be forgotten!

This is something that should be played on National TV and the internet regularly. If we can hear and read about politician's have extramarital affairs over and over again we should hear this loud and clear! Let all Americans see the tribute paid to "this hero" and learn to appreciate all the heroes in our military. Perhaps seeing this, thank you Rep Davis for providing us with it, more Americans will remember what our military does for us and show them the respect they deserve.

May God Bless the family of Staff Sgt. Beale, and I know he is in God's care now.

God Bless all that knew SSgt. Beale. My prayers are with your family, sir, and thank you for such a precious gift.

This is truly AMAZING! To the family & friends of SSgt. Beale, our thoughts and prayers are with you. May GOD comfort you in you time of sorrow. To all fellow AMERICANS...please continue to pray for all of our men and women serving in the ARMED FORCES as well as all of our civilian men and women who make the sacrifices that they do. I have a husband who served 22 years in the Navy who now works in Iraq and twin boys serving in the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE. When you see an AMERICAN in uniform....THANK THEM!!!! FREEDOM ISN'T FREE!!! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!

I just watched this sad video. I just wish someone would hack into the terrorist's websites and put this on there so that they could see who they up against.

What a wonderful tribute to a fallen soldier! It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for your service, John, may you rest in peace. God Bless America!

This brought tears to my eyes....as a fellow service man I cant explain how this made me feel I wish the best for the family of this fallen hero

Watching this funeral procession gave me goose flesh all over. How heartwarming to see the thousands of people line the streets with flags, saluting, or hands on their heart to honor and show their thanks for Sgt. Beale's service to our country. Our saying "Thanks" is just not enough for his sacrifice.

I have often wonderedaboutHenry County. That was the ship I served aboard in the US Navy, USS Henry County LST 824. Staff Sgt John Beale and the People of Henry County make Me Prouder to have served aboard Her

THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON NATIONAL TV- AND SHOULD BE FOR ALL THOSE WHO HAVE GIVE SO MUCH FOR AMERICA. WHAT I SAW WASN'T WHITES, BLACKS, REPUBLICANS, DEMOCRATES, INDEPENDENTS, CUBANS, ITALIANS, ETC, WHAT I SAY LINING THE ROADS WAS "AMERICANS" , THESE PEOPLE SAID MORE THAN A WRITTEN BOOK COULD EVER SAY, THANK YOU GEORGIA ,

I am a retired Air Force Master Sergeant who served during the Vietnam era in-country. Although I have been retired since 1 Feb 84......I still feel the pain when another military member makes the ultimate sacrifice for this country. To the family....God will provide for you during time like these. To all reading this........the next time you see or are in the company of a military person, whether active, reserve or retired....shake their hand and thank them for serving...I do this all the time and it makes that person feel really proud to know that you care. God bless all of our military members

To the brave and noble heros of this country past and present... we love you and thank you so much for all that you've done for this country. My husband's a Iraq vet and I'm so thankful for all that his done, and blessed to have him home everyday. To Staff Sgt. John Beale...Thank you!!!

God Bless Staff Sergeant First Class John C. Beale, his family and friends, and thank you!

This makes me even prouder to be an American!

Amazing! RIP Staff Sgt. John Beale.a great salute from Israel to our brothers in the US.we in Israel know what it means to fight and die for freedom , your troops are all heroes , and they should be treated as such.god bless our troops and yours. may you know no sorrow.

I am so proud of our soldiers. We as a people sometimes get jaded with all the bad that has happened. It is both sad and beautiful to see such an outpouring of love shown to the men and women of our country. May those families with loved ones overseas know that we can never repay the sacrifices they have given us. We must show our support for our troops. May GOD bless and keep them in the palms of his hands.

What an amazing video. This was just as hard to watch as the video we did for a friend I lost in battle. Thank you to all of the soldiers past and present for the wonderful sacrifice you've made for our country.

A friend shared this on facebook. It brought tears to my eyes. My nephew is a Sgt in the Marines. We are so proud of him and all our service men and women. This should be shown on national tv for all to see and remind them of the ultimate sacrifice that some are willing to make. What an awesome video. Thank you for sharing with everyone. God Bless the USA

Noah's Ark........Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark .

Noah's Ark

ONE: Don't miss the boat.

TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat!

THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

SIX: Build your future on high ground.

SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile.

TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

"The Pearl" by Bill Mong...

The Pearl

It was day one of the fall Semester at a Bible college. The professor entered the packed auditorium and sat on the edge of his old and cluttered desk. He clapped his hands together and boisterously asked, “Who is God? That is your assignment for this semester. It will account for 100% of your grade. It is due by midterm.”

The class began to buzz. Most of them were smiling. What an easy assignment. This was going to be a cakewalk.

“By the way…” he continued. “You cannot quote one Bible verse nor may you use any description which remotely resembles a Bible verse. And I know the Bible very, very well.”

Every student glared back at him with the look of most profound indignation and confusion, evident by their open mouths. It was the question of the century; literally. Most of them, having entered the new millennium as adolescents, could not pull together even the slightest original perspective that this question demanded. And in the moments of silence that followed, some of them began to gather their things and leave.

The professor did not speak. He let each one go as he or she had decided. He knew that they would not be back; at least not until next semester.

Soon the class was down to half capacity and most of those who remained looked as though they were just too embarrassed to join the others. The Professor scanned the room and began to smile very subtly. “And does anyone have an answer for my question?”

The classmates looked around but no one spoke. “Fine! We will meet here again for class on exam day.”

The students gawked again and this time a din arose. Just one student sat quietly, looking at the professor with mild interest. The other students began filing out and soon it was just the two of them. The professor pushed himself up from the edge of his desk and walked a few steps closer to the still seated young lady. “Do you have an answer?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Well?”

“Your question is impossible to answer.”

“Go on.”

“The Bible is the only source we have to know who God is.”

The professor’s forehead wrinkled. “I’ll see you at midterm.”

The months passed and when midterm arrived, just as the professor had anticipated, only about a third of the original students were present. “As soon as you place your papers on my desk, you are free to go.”

After a few moments the students began to amble toward the desk and place their papers in a less than neat pile on one corner. He could tell that they all wanted to ask. What is the right answer?

Soon the place was empty again and he picked through the pile. “God is an unending source of energy.” And. “God is everything.” The professor chuckled. No clue. And then he came to Lacy’s paper. He remembered her from the first day and was curious as to whether her answer had changed. He read… and began to smile…

“God is what or whoever rules your life.”

Mt 13:45&46

"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.”

What are you willing to spend? What will you give up? There is only one pearl that makes all others worthless.

For some, unfortunately, it is anything but the God of Heaven and Earth. (This is not an attempt at judging others. To be completely transparent, I still have a couple of imperfect, misshapen pearls in my pocket.)

The meaning of life is not hard to figure out, though it takes a portion of your life to do so. I truly believe the meaning of this life is to make us who we will be in the next.

You are God’s pearl of great price. He bought you. Nothing exists that is more valuable to him.

What rules your thoughts?

Where is most of your free time spent?

Answering these questions will give you the true perspective you need to evaluate your true focus.

I leave you with this. It really is true. Junk in, junk out.

Be awake.

B. Mong

"The Choice" by Max Lucado..This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read except the "Bible"

The Choice
by Max Lucado

He placed one scoop of clay upon another until a form lay lifeless on the ground.

All of the Garden's inhabitants paused to witness the event. Hawks hovered. Giraffes stretched. Trees bowed. Butterflies paused on petals and watched.

"You will love me, nature," God said. "I made you that way. You will obey me, universe. For you were designed to do so. You will reflect my glory, skies, for that is how you were created. But this one will be like me. This one will be able to choose."

All were silent as the Creator reached into himself and removed something yet unseen. A seed. "It's called 'choice.' The seed of choice."

Creation stood in silence and gazed upon the lifeless form.

An angel spoke, "But what if he ... "

"What if he chooses not to love?" the Creator finished. "Come, I will show you."

Unbound by today, God and the angel walked into the realm of tomorrow.

"There, see the fruit of the seed of choice, both the sweet and the bitter."

The angel gasped at what he saw. Spontaneous love. Voluntary devotion. Chosen tenderness. Never had he seen anything like these. He felt the love of the Adams. He heard the joy of Eve and her daughters. He saw the food and the burdens shared. He absorbed the kindness and marveled at the warmth.

"Heaven has never seen such beauty, my Lord. Truly, this is your greatest creation."

"Ah, but you've only seen the sweet. Now witness the bitter."

A stench enveloped the pair. The angel turned in horror and proclaimed, "What is it?"

The Creator spoke only one word: "Selfishness."

The angel stood speechless as they passed through centuries of repugnance. Never had he seen such filth. Rotten hearts. Ruptured promises. Forgotten loyalties. Children of the creation wandering blindly in lonely labyrinths.

"This is the result of choice?" the angel asked.
"Yes."
"They will forget you?"
"Yes."
"They will reject you?"
"Yes."
"They will never come back?"
"Some will. Most won't."
"What will it take to make them listen?"

The Creator walked on in time, further and further into the future, until he stood by a tree. A tree that would be fashioned into a cradle. Even then he could smell the hay that would surround him.

With another step into the future, he paused before another tree. It stood alone, a stubborn ruler of a bald hill. The trunk was thick, and the wood was strong. Soon it would be cut. Soon it would be trimmed. Soon it would be mounted on the stony brow of another hill. And soon he would be hung on it.

He felt the wood rub against a back he did not yet wear.

"Will you go down there?" the angel asked.

"I will."

"Is there no other way?"

"There is not."

"Wouldn't it be easier to not plant the seed? Wouldn't it be easier to not give the choice?"

"It would," the Creator spoke slowly. "But to remove the choice is to remove the love."

He looked around the hill and foresaw a scene. Three figures hung on three crosses. Arms spread. Heads fallen forward. They moaned with the wind.

Men clad in soldiers' garb sat on the ground near the trio. They played games in the dirt and laughed.

Men clad in religion stood off to one side. They smiled. Arrogant, cocky. They had protected God, they thought, by killing this false one.

Women clad in sorrow huddled at the foot of the hill. Speechless. Faces tear streaked. Eyes downward. One put her arm around another and tried to lead her away. She wouldn't leave. "I will stay," she said softly. "I will stay."

All heaven stood to fight. All nature rose to rescue. All eternity poised to protect. But the Creator gave no command.

"It must be done ... ," he said, and withdrew.

But as he stepped back in time, he heard the cry that he would someday scream: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34) He wrenched at tomorrow's agony.

The angel spoke again. "It would be less painful ... "

The Creator interrupted softly. "But it wouldn't be love."

They stepped into the Garden again. The Maker looked earnestly at the clay creation. A monsoon of love swelled up within him. He had died for the creation before he had made him. God's form bent over the sculptured face and breathed. Dust stirred on the lips of the new one. The chest rose, cracking the red mud. The cheeks fleshened. A finger moved. And an eye opened.

But more incredible than the moving of the flesh was the stirring of the spirit. Those who could see the unseen gasped.

Perhaps it was the wind who said it first. Perhaps what the star saw that moment is what has made it blink ever since. Maybe it was left to an angel to whisper it:

"It looks like ... it appears so much like ... it is him!"

The angel wasn't speaking of the face, the features, or the body. He was looking inside—at the soul.

"It's eternal!" gasped another.

Within the man, God had placed a divine seed. A seed of his self. The God of might had created earth's mightiest. The Creator had created, not a creature, but another creator. And the One who had chosen to love had created one who could love in return.

Now it's our choice.

From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado